why can't we be friends?

im not on facebook anymore [*GASP*] but I just thought of something funny to tell you about lol…

so, I was used to getting random messages from strangers throwing out the same textbook "get to know you" jive [yah I said it, jive]; no surprises there. but in the beginning of march [last year], I suppose in anticipation of coming spring season, one of these "same ol' '" turkeys decided he was gonna get brand *spankin* new…with me!

*I just want you to know that I signed back into facebook after cancelling my account just to see if I could fish out the messages so that I could directly quote them for you…*

So it was a bright and sunny day, a little windy but workable, ya know? I get a friendly message from none other than Mr. Who #105 and I was cordial and responded…last time I ever did that:

MR. WHO: "hey whats upp Rachel? whats goin on with you? just came across your page and u look like a cool person and seem like u got a nice personality so i thought id hit you up and say hi. hit me back when u get the chance, id like to get to know you!!!"

ME: hi. there isn't too much going on with me other than school. i appreciate that u took out time to say hello. how are you?

The rest was followed by a few more notes of "blah, blah, blah…im in school, so are you... now what? Good day and good night." that was the end of that no harm, no foul as usual…until 2 weeks later:

MR. WHO: hey supp with you? hows your week going so far? enjoying the weather with the cool breeze passing through your Coffy Brown Fro Lol.[...]Hey so i was wondering if you would like to get some coffee sometime at starbucks or the cafe on the quad lol. dunno what your preference is :D

*side eye* @ "Coffy Brown Fro" …I wear a puff. Not a fro…but anyway...

ME: hi, how are you? my week is pretty slow going lol thanks for asking.[…something about spring weather...]. thank you very much for the invitation but im going to respectfully declineyour offer.

MR. WHO: yeah i know what you mean. i love the spring, the summer is too hot. So may i respectfully ask why you declined?

Ugh. Why does it matter?...but I said:

ME: because i don't know you and so it would be an awkward situation; i would be uncomfortable.

HOW POLITE WAS I?...evidently that doesn't matter because he still wasn't satisfied. At this point he decided that he was going to attempt to corner me through an internet interrogation:

MR. WHO: oh aight. thats understandable. So how do you get to know someone? I apologize if i seemed too forward. I just think you're a cool and outgoing person and have a lot of unique qualities, and i was interested in meeting you and getting to know you....

…right…he gathered this from my default pic and my 4 previous messages in which he learned that 1. im in law school 2. im very busy 3. I wish I didn't have homework and 4. I was going out that night…how cool and unique…
ME: there's not concrete method of getting to know someone but everything has a natural way of developing (which i suppose is subjective) and, to me, this is not it.

aaandd this is where I lost him…

MR. WHO: hmm. can you explain what you mean because I don't really understand it.

Idk why I didn't simply end the communication…actually, you know why I didn't? because now I was annoyed by his inability to comprehend my very basic explanation and even if that wasn't so simple to understand, why couldn't he just leave well enough alone? I already expressed that we wouldn't be meeting and as far as I am concerned that is all that matters…really though? Im just a jerk and I wanted to watch him grasp at straws LOL:

ME: I can't answer the question "how do you get to know someone?" because there is not right or wrong way to go about it. However, there is a natural order to things, i.e. the way interpersonal relationships develop; exchanging general messages over the internet seems, to me, a contrived way to go about it. so, the idea of meeting you is awkward. i guess this all is just a roundabout way of saying that we most likely will not get to know each other beyond the present method. i tried my best to be concise lol...it probably was a futile attempt.

MR. WHO: WOW. thats a lot of assumptions, but just to let you know there was nothing contrived about my intentions, but if thats the way you feel, you're entitled to your opinion and i will respect your personal space.

Call me presumptuous, but im gonna go ahead and assume that the use of the term "interpersonal relationships" was a bit much for him…..and I said it for that very reason; I can't help myself sometimes. I clearly could have quit by this time but no, now he thought he was just gonna "wow" me
[you know how people say it to try to make everything and everybody else but them seem crazy, "woooooooow"]
and back out of the embarrassment he could have avoided in the first place by accepting my "respectful decline"... I just wasn't having that.

ME: lol clearly you misunderstood. i don't have any assumptions about your intentions. im just talking about the general way in which people interact with each other (those are called interpersonal relationships by the way). what is contrived is an interpersonal relationship (or a friendship-- just to make it a little simpler for understanding) initiated by a random series of facebook notes. all i wanted to make clear is that i did not want to meet with you and said nothing about your intentions or what i think of them; because i don't know what they are and so have no feelings about them. that's all.

MR. WHO: OK!

Oop…he yelled at me!....

ME: just wanted to be clear.

MR. WHO: yea but you should have said thay waaaaayyyyyy back don't you think?

¿qué, Crazy? First…quick question... didn't I already RESPECTFULLY DECLINE your offer because I didn't want to meet you? Second, "waaaaayyyyyy back" when? ….let me put some things into proper perspective for you:

1. He initiated convo numero uno on March 1st. Everything pertaining to that conversation was said on March 1st.
2. He sent the "Operation: Why Can't We Be Friends?" proposal ( a.k.a the starbucks meet-up)on March 14th and all other notes exchanged between us were exchanged on March 14th.
3. So, we're talking about 2 days worth of communication…in what time frame does "waaaaayyyyyy back" start?
So, anyway, I told him, no I didn't think I had to tell him that immediately following his first message because plenty of people sent me messages and don't ask me to stare in their face awkwardly over irrelevant cups of coffee…so he said ok….and about one month later, after no further communication:

MR. WHO: hey supp with you? just wondering what u doing sat night...ps. ill say hi the next time i see you in the lab, ive been stressed with some personal issues. you can try saying hi too


WTH?? GTHFO!!

*i would write "the end" here but i realized that now he's always in the law school computer lab and he kept resending his friend request everytime i declined it*

:-\