life's no fun when you're eating burritos...

I'M BORED!

i was swamped with work while studying for finals. additionally, it has taken mucho effort for me not to nose dive into the abyss of lunacy while thinking of all the loose ends of my life, in which i shall soon be entangled. finals ended. i slept. i ate. i watched casino...i sat in front of blank pages of opportunity and did nothing.

i haven't been writing; i should be writing.
i haven't been focused; what should i be focused on?
i should really get it together.
i think i laughed about 73 times in the past 5 months. is that a lot? probably not, right?
i feel like a big, huge....blah.

what am i talking about? im talking about under-stimulation! for the past five months, the highlight of my days has been lunch time; and i love burritos. think that's sad? well, get this:

there are just about 150 days in a 5 month period; that means that there are about 150-207 lunch times in a 5 month period (...some days im VERY hungry...). within the past 5 months, i have only had about 26 burritos. so, just imagine how i feel. smh.

now it's winter...um, definite crisis. i can't stand the cold so cabin fever is surely imminent.

but i know what im going to do. it's time to get organized, get motivated; im tryna get that old thang back!


just a little spill, i'll be back with more sensible things soon lol

Oh, Lawd, Jesus, I'm Sorry!

It's important to maintain and nurture your relationship with God. Talk, pray and meditate with Him. Let Him be your rock, your strength….
your friend?

Have you ever tried to joke around with Jesus like you do with your friends?

Isn't that the scariest ish ever!?

So, just about 15 minutes ago, I was hanging out in my room, straightening up a little and tinkering with my hair; itunes was on shuffle. T.I. was just shouting about someone "finna get hurt, murked [&] put in the dirt"…so I was feeling a *little* rowdy; just a little. [like how you get when "head bussa" comes on in the club--you rock to it just enough to send the message "I phcks with the song...but, by no means do I intend on getting into a head bussin predicament..." ]

Well, shortly following the recently incarcerated king of the south, itunes decided that it was time for gospel hour; I was still feeling the secular vibes that had just barely left my eardrums, but, nonetheless, I'm pro-Jesus so bring it on, Kirk Franklin!

...sometimes Where the Spirit of the Lord is there's just a bit too much liberty…

Kirk asked, "is there anybody here that loves Jesus?" and,--was feeling good, albeit a little smartassy-- "no, Jesus know I don't get down with Him like that," rolled so hastily over my cognitive tongue...

oh. my. Goodness.

the fear of hell and all things unholy instantly flared up in me. I was so scared! I apologized profusely.

Oh no! sorry, Jesus! I was just playin, I didn't mean that, I say that to all my friends!….*silence*…..[what was I thinking saying im not down with Jesus? did He hear me? damn, I know He heard me…but, what do I do?...should I pray?... Is he gonna smite me?? im scared…see, this is what I get for for tryna be too down with the son of God…Jesus is not my peer, why was I trying to act all BFFish with Him?...smh]…

So, I calmed down...me and Jesus had a chat about it. He's assured me that He does, in fact, have a sense of humor. [*Phew*] Still, I explained to Him that despite my inclination to joke at unnecessary and even inappropriate times, I'm very down with Him, but not too down…as down as I can be without being blasphemous. He told me that He knew that…He knows everything about me; especially my heart.

I feel better now. Thanks, Jesus :D

! D i r t y H o !

we were chillin and I decided I wanted to wrestle…it was all fun & sexy games until...

i took the friendliest sucker punch to my soft, defenseless gut. [lawd. have. mercy.] it just plain hurt. i wasn't mad though; he was just playing around and got a little too heavy handed--besides, im the one who initiated the roughhousing…well…that's what I told myself but I was mad. i HAD to get him back for that.

i threw around my body weight with the intent of man-handling him…I failed :-\. In my new found aggression, he saw how serious I'd become so he decided to lighten my mood by attacking my midsection with his big-ass hands. Relentlessly, he tickled me; to the point that i was violently flailing about so i could get away from him...in doing so i accidentally punched him in the face [...oops :-S... ]. he was a.n.g.e.r.e.d. and so he set out to show me who exactly wears the wrestling-pants…

I found out that, in fact, I do not wear those pants.

both of us had now been injured by each other's clumsiness, yet, we still hadn't learned a big enough lesson to call it quits.

The childish tousling and shoving made it's way out of the bedroom into the hall and almost through the wall(!!) when I ran at him and pushed him against it and felt it buckle...

[WAIT. HOLD UP. "STOP THE HORSEPLAY RIGHT NOW".]

I put all of the madness on pause to survey the damage because my $750 security deposit flashed before my eyes…I looked it over for a good minute and a half…and then we were back at it...

moving out of the hallway toward the refrigerator, it was an absolute fluke of hyperactivity and revenge, i hip tossed his all of his 145lbs onto the kitchen floor. He'd officially had enough. He trapped me in some kind of UFC death grip wherein I was rendered completely immobile for an entire 7 minutes, until I swore I would stop all the nonsense.

by the end of it all we were worn out; sweaty, sore and still mad at each other for all of the accidentals.

It all started as a game. We vowed never to play again.

Macho Mom & The Subway Surfer

The mornings are not happy times for me. It's early, I'm required to get out of bed, I'm not allowed to "dress down" and people always find a way to touch me, pester me or somehow molest my sanity.

True to form, one hot, muggy morning I went to get on the subway--heading to my unpaid job :D--trying to block out all of the schizophrenic shade being thrown by the ever multiplying personalities harbored by NYC.

While I was waiting on line to get my metro card, I was approached by this diesel chick [um…~uncomfortable~...],

"I'm not homeless, ok?!"

"…uh…oh…ok…" was my response.

"I'm pregnant and I need some money to feed my baby," was her stern, seemingly threatening rebuttal. She continued, "blah, blah, b.s., excuses, blah, so If you could spare anything, anything…*blank stare*" so, I don't know why but, I gave her 2 one dollar coins, smiled and said "here you go." I turned back around and took a step toward the machine and….she stepped forward WITH ME…[~uh~]…reluctantly, I looked at her and she says

"Anything??"

You could have sold me for a counterfeit penny. I couldn't even speak!

I just gave her TWO DOLLARS which should be a lot to a beggar…but, I just chalked it up to a misunderstanding; she must have thought I had only given her 2 quarters…which is still more than enough to be grateful for!

There was nothing else I could do but complete my transaction and walk away; I had to get on the train.

Surprisingly, even amidst the morning rush, the car I was on was just about empty…but there was this guy at the opposite end of the car. While the train was moving, he was standing in the middle of the car, drinking a dr. pepper, not holding onto anything. He was giving me this strange look; I couldn't tell if it was a "look-how-cool-I-am-I-ride-the-train-with-no-hands" look or a "i-dare-you-to-look-at-me-again-I'll-f*ck-you-up" look….i was a little nervous so I looked away and just kept him in my peripheral.

Then, I caught some excessive movement from the corner of my eye, so, I looked back and saw that this man started walking around while the train was moving. [~smh~] Well, just before he could begin to feel as cool as he knew that he was and take another sip of his beverage, the train jerked. Hard. Down went the subway surfer; he never let go of the dr. pepper.

*enter--the 3 man mariachi band*

I maxed the volume on my ipod…2 more stops and I was out of there.